the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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