after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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