I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
