I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
