everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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