he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's never too late to be topless.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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