Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
