i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
