well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
