Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
