Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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