Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
