I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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