why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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