No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They are going to name an STD after you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
