I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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