god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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