I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
