Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
