Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
