Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
