It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
