Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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