An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
