I smell stomach acid.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
be right there i have to get my cape
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
