i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As shirtless as possible
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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