Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
