I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
