all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
