Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
