When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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