my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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