I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
