Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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