the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
