Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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