honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
