Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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