Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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