Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
