She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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