I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
