I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
