either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
