Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
