Where is the hickey?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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