Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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