He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
