Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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