In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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