I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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